Conflict
Any difference of opinion between two or more people.
Conflicts between people are inevitable. Whenever you have a difference of opinion with someone, that is a conflict. There are conflicts with a small ‘c’ and conflicts with a big ‘C’, but they are all conflicts.
Broadly, there are three different ways of reacting to conflict:
- Avoiding the conflict.Typically this involves:
- denying it exists
- circumventing the person/people with whom you are in conflict
- deciding not to make it explicit or to raise it.
- Diffusing the conflict.This involves:
- smoothing things over, ‘pouring oil on troubled waters’
- saying you’ll come back to it (as opposed to dealing with it there and then)
- only dealing with minor points, not the major issues.
- Facing the conflict.This involves:
- openly admitting it exists
- explicitly raising it as an issue.
All three approaches are genuine options when conflicts arise. There may be occasions when it is best to let it go (why win the battle but lose the war?) and there will be other occasions when some pussy-footing is appropriate. In theory, however, facing conflict rather than avoiding it or diffusing it offers the most potential. But how you face it makes all the difference. You can face it aggressively or assertively.
Facing conflict aggressively means:
- being secretive about your real objective
- exaggerating your case
- refusing to concede that the other person has a valid point
- belittling the other person’s points
- repeating your case dogmatically
- disagreeing
- interrupting the other person.
Facing conflict assertively means:
- being open about your objective
- establishing what the other person’s objective is
- searching for common ground
- stating your case clearly
- understanding the other person’s case
- producing ideas to solve the differences
- developing the other person’s ideas
- summarising to check understanding/agreement.
For more on assertive, as opposed to aggressive, behaviour, see Assertiveness.